Last week I felt like my dog had died, I got a new puppy, and then that puppy pissed all over my apartment. I don’t have a dead dog or a pissing puppy, but practically every emotion surfaced last week as I faced the dreaded day of turning 30 - and then did.
It started on the plane ride home from JFK in New York, to LAX. I watched some sappy movie, and by the end I was in tears. I’m not sure if it was the movie or my monthly hormonal imbalance that set me in motion, but suddenly I was a wreck and I feared returning to LA. I didn’t want to have to face a certain someone, but I knew there was no way around it.
The plane landed, and I prepared for conversation, anticipating that it would happen that night.
Monday I tried again.
Hurt, I attempted to abort the friendship and forego the conversation altogether. I sent the text and suddenly I was homesick. I started searching for flights to the Midwest, wanting so badly to be with family on my birthday, but the dollar amounts didn’t sit right with me, so rather than booking a flight I cried myself to sleep.
Tuesday the conversation happened over my lunch break. It was good, and bad, and difficult, and beautiful – it was honest.
I placed my tears on hold until the evening.
They started dripping as I drove up to Forest Home to spend time in the prayer chapel. I talked to my sister on the way, sharing with her my struggle of turning 30 and still being all alone.
I arrived at the prayer chapel expecting to write a long prayer in the notebook that is set out for visitors, but instead of writing, I listened. The journal was open to a page filled with Scripture – Scripture that I needed to hear.
The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous
And His ears are open to their cry.
The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth,
And delivereth them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart;
And saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous
But the Lord delivereth him out of them all.
The Lord redeemeth the soul of His servants
And none of them that trust in Him shall be desolate.
Psalm 34:15, 17-19, 22
To be continued... maybe.